“We come outside and we see my car’s on fire,” Jake continues.

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(Oh yes, we’re going there.) To those of you out there who have tried online dating, and spent hours wading through profiles after profiles — especially profile this one’s for you.

To those of you who have never experienced the modern marvel that is online dating, believe me, I couldn’t make some of this stuff up if I tried.

There are endless photos of unidentifiable men on online dating sites, and if we see those, we’ll pass right over them. It seems to be how we humans roll, especially when trying to complete an online dating profile that’s horribly awkward to begin with.

Also, big thanks to a bunch of friends for chiming in on the topic.

Oh men, I know that the bathroom is probably the home to the largest mirror in your house, so I get why the bathroom selfies would theoretically be a good idea. Then we can snuggle up and you can tell travel stories for hours. If a girl’s in the photo, we are going to assume that (unless clearly captioned) this is your most recent ex.

(Ok, it’s a stretch, but I get it.) Remember though that this is our of you. And your attractiveness immediately turns into awkwardness, which turns into ahhh-let’s-just-move-onto-the-next-profile-ness. So the solution to this one is easy — just find some other great photos to post! The Mustache Ok, I’m prepped and know I’m probably going to get a lot of flack on this one.Nor do you need to highlight in every section of your bio that you workout, count “going to the gym” as your top hobby, or are “looking for a girl who values physical fitness”. So even if you have the best abs ever (and especially if you don’t), just be a gent and put your clothes on — some nice, buttoned-up, normal clothes that your mother would approve of. But when you’re holding a beer in everysinglephoto? So put your coozie down, and grab a glass of water every now and then.Trust us, we think it’s super cool that you take care of yourself and stay in shape. You know, gotta stay hydrated after those other beers…I’m here to [hedge and say you want to meet new people], and I’d love to [flirtatious invitation].” C’mon, guys, you’re more than the sum of your Netflix queue! To give you some idea of how it’s done — and how it should never ever be done — we’ve compiled the 13 all-time funniest dating profiles out there.These side-splitting online profiles can be witty, crazy, or just plain stupid, but at least they’re memorable. A lot of guys paint a picture of their ideal date — dinner, movie, makeout session, etc.And where do first impressions take place in real life? So step away from the shower, hand your friend a camera, and let us see you in your best non-bathroom light. The Macho, Macho Man Sorry to break it to you guys, but we aren’t looking for tickets to the “gun show” in your profiles. Trust us, anything will be better than the awkward unidentifiable blonde hair on your shoulder. The Shirtless Just as your mother probably told you at age 3 — “Son, get your clothes back on!! If we meet you at a party or a wedding or a coffee shop, I’m pretty positive that you are always going to be fully dressed for that first impression. And I know that many of you No-Shave-November fans are in it for a good cause. The Beer Fanatic (Ok, I thought it’d be nice to include at least one decent photo of my friend, GQ-model, and extremely-good-sport, Nate.) But this final one is just a little reminder that your online dating profile should be advertising , not your favorite beer.